Friends, Washingtonians, and Countrymen, Lend Me Your Open Minds;

I come to bash Trump, not to praise him.

The evil that Presidents do live after them.

The noble Schiff hath told you Trump was ambitious;

If it were so, it was a grievous fault; a phone call!

One that delayed the shipment of weapons for making war on foreign soil;

And a war deferred is a grievous and unpardonable sin.

For Schiff is an honorable man, so are his colleagues, all honorable men;

I speak not to disprove what Schiff spoke, but here I am to speak of what I do know.

Former President Bush (and VP Cheney) hath wrought needless deaths,

Hundreds of thousands of innocent civilians and over five thousand U.S. soldiers.

And while former Nobel-Peace-Prize President Obama inherited two illegal, unconstitutional wars,

He added five more to the list.

Pray, when shall the trials of these men commence?

O judgment! thou art fled to brutish beasts,

And men have lost their reason.  Bear with me;

My heart is with the victims of these war crimes,

Including our returning wounded vets, one of whom commits suicide nearly every hour.

Yet Schiff says Trump made a grievous phone call;

And Schiff is an honorable man.

I beg thee, dear friends of the establishment,

Cease at once making me defend a POTUS Pumpkin King.